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Literature Text
{Open to Nick, Baby and Smithy in Akagi's bedroom.}
NICK: And that's why those machines are- Are you sleeping?!
SMITHY: No... I was just... counting the stalagmites... on the ceiling...
NICK: And why were you drooling?
SMITHY: I was captivated... by the beauty... of the stalagmites...
NICK: Uh-huh. Why're you fantasizing aboot chunks of rock when you have a girlfriend?
SMITHY: I have a girlfriend?
NICK: Yeah. Nikki.
SMITHY: Who's Nikki?
NICK: That hot chick. With the orange hair. My clone.
SMITHY: Uhh... not ringin' any bells there, H-man.
NICK: Grrrrr.
{Roxy and Mandy are in the living room, where Thom is trying to watch TV.}
MANDY: My theory is that... uhh... Nick died. Twice.
THOM: You're blocking the TV.
ROXY: If Nick dies, do we have to get all his creepy stuffed hot chick dolls with the removable clothing?
THOM: You're blocking the TV.
MANDY: I... don't think he has any of those.
ROXY: Dude. I lived with him for a long time. I think I know what I'm talking about, missy.
THOM: Still blocking the TV.
{Randy walks in from the left.}
RANDY: Is Nick here?!
MANDY: No. He died.
RANDY: Oh. Hey, did you ever notice that our names rhyme?
MANDY: No.
RANDY: Oh... can I use the phone?
THOM: We don't have a phone. Now move so I can see the TV.
ROXY: Hey, uh, Randy. I'd hate the spoil your fun and all, but Macen has a restraining order. You're to stay five miles away from him at all times.
RANDY: But I live next door.
THOM: You people are just begging for death by katana.
{Mike walks in from the right.}
MIKE: Hey, I want a zombie puppy.
THOM: Yo. People. Move.
{Nikki and Scott walk in.}
SCOTT: Whoa, is this a party?
NIKKI: Want me to bring some nachos?
THOM: Oh, come on! Cheerleading Accidents Gone Bad is on!
{Macen enters.}
MACEN: I didn't authorize this meeting. Begone!
THOM: Augh, @#$%!
{Cut to some nekkid guy standing in front of a bush.}
NEKKID DUDE: ...What?
{Cut to Nick, Baby and Smithy at Goliath's restaraunt.}
GOLIATH: May I take yer frickin' order?
NICK: Wait, how'd we get here? Weren't we just in Akagi's hideout?
SMITHY: When people offer you food, you don't refuse it. You accept it. Now let's begin the fudgesicle madness.
GOLIATH: We're out of fudgesicles.
SMITHY: Oh. Well, then, let's begin the doggy doodle madness.
GOLIATH: We're out of those, too.
SMITHY: ...wedding cake madness?
GOLIATH: We're out.
{Smithy has an angry look on his face.}
NICK: Chill, Smithmix. We'll just get some spaghettis.
GOLIATH: We're out of those, too.
{Pause. Nick then tackles Goliath and commences the crap-beating-out-ofing. Cut to the "party" in the living room. Thom looks extremely annoyed.}
TV ANNOUNCER: This is the result of a cheerleader trying to do a split while jumping over hot teenage jocks.
CHEERLEADER ON TV: Aaaaarrrgghh!
THOM: Man, I really wish I could actually see this action.
{Thom looks over at the door. Scott walks in, holding a dead cow.}
SCOTT: Hey Dad, I got the hamburgers.
MACEN: Scott! You're supposed to cut the cow up into tiny chunks first!
{Everyone else starts randomly throwing up and rolling around on the floor.}
MACEN: Is tha really necessary, guys?
NIKKI: Macen, what's wrong with you? Don't you even care aboot animals?
MACEN: Not really, no. Now go sit down before I call my thugs.
NIKKI: You don't have thugs.
MACEN: Oh yeah? Jerome!
{Jerome pops up out of nowhere.}
NIKKI: Uhh...
JEROME: Yo, girly. I have a car in my living room. And it has a back seat. Hows about we get some makin' out done while we wait for all your friends to keel over from the poison we planted in the dead cow beef?
{Scott collapses.}
NIKKI: That was... kind of extreme.
THOM: If it'll get everyone out of the way of the TV, then by all means.
{Cut over to Nick, Baby and Smithy in a ball pit.}
SMITHY: Wheeeeeeee!
NICK: Wait, what? Weren't we just- Ehh, whatever.
SMITHY: Umm... Nick... I think something's wrong with Baby.
NICK: Why?
SMITHY: He hasn't come back up yet. I think he's permanately submerged in fun li'l balls!
NICK: How aboot you go down thar after 'im?
SMITHY: I'll need some kind of plasma hyper-suit to protect my body from the atmospheric pressure down there.
NICK: Here ya go.
{Nick reaches his arm toward Smithy, as if handing him something.}
SMITHY: Thanks.
{Smithy dives underneath the balls.}
SMITHY: Cassidy!
NICK: No.
~FIN~
NICK: And that's why those machines are- Are you sleeping?!
SMITHY: No... I was just... counting the stalagmites... on the ceiling...
NICK: And why were you drooling?
SMITHY: I was captivated... by the beauty... of the stalagmites...
NICK: Uh-huh. Why're you fantasizing aboot chunks of rock when you have a girlfriend?
SMITHY: I have a girlfriend?
NICK: Yeah. Nikki.
SMITHY: Who's Nikki?
NICK: That hot chick. With the orange hair. My clone.
SMITHY: Uhh... not ringin' any bells there, H-man.
NICK: Grrrrr.
{Roxy and Mandy are in the living room, where Thom is trying to watch TV.}
MANDY: My theory is that... uhh... Nick died. Twice.
THOM: You're blocking the TV.
ROXY: If Nick dies, do we have to get all his creepy stuffed hot chick dolls with the removable clothing?
THOM: You're blocking the TV.
MANDY: I... don't think he has any of those.
ROXY: Dude. I lived with him for a long time. I think I know what I'm talking about, missy.
THOM: Still blocking the TV.
{Randy walks in from the left.}
RANDY: Is Nick here?!
MANDY: No. He died.
RANDY: Oh. Hey, did you ever notice that our names rhyme?
MANDY: No.
RANDY: Oh... can I use the phone?
THOM: We don't have a phone. Now move so I can see the TV.
ROXY: Hey, uh, Randy. I'd hate the spoil your fun and all, but Macen has a restraining order. You're to stay five miles away from him at all times.
RANDY: But I live next door.
THOM: You people are just begging for death by katana.
{Mike walks in from the right.}
MIKE: Hey, I want a zombie puppy.
THOM: Yo. People. Move.
{Nikki and Scott walk in.}
SCOTT: Whoa, is this a party?
NIKKI: Want me to bring some nachos?
THOM: Oh, come on! Cheerleading Accidents Gone Bad is on!
{Macen enters.}
MACEN: I didn't authorize this meeting. Begone!
THOM: Augh, @#$%!
{Cut to some nekkid guy standing in front of a bush.}
NEKKID DUDE: ...What?
{Cut to Nick, Baby and Smithy at Goliath's restaraunt.}
GOLIATH: May I take yer frickin' order?
NICK: Wait, how'd we get here? Weren't we just in Akagi's hideout?
SMITHY: When people offer you food, you don't refuse it. You accept it. Now let's begin the fudgesicle madness.
GOLIATH: We're out of fudgesicles.
SMITHY: Oh. Well, then, let's begin the doggy doodle madness.
GOLIATH: We're out of those, too.
SMITHY: ...wedding cake madness?
GOLIATH: We're out.
{Smithy has an angry look on his face.}
NICK: Chill, Smithmix. We'll just get some spaghettis.
GOLIATH: We're out of those, too.
{Pause. Nick then tackles Goliath and commences the crap-beating-out-ofing. Cut to the "party" in the living room. Thom looks extremely annoyed.}
TV ANNOUNCER: This is the result of a cheerleader trying to do a split while jumping over hot teenage jocks.
CHEERLEADER ON TV: Aaaaarrrgghh!
THOM: Man, I really wish I could actually see this action.
{Thom looks over at the door. Scott walks in, holding a dead cow.}
SCOTT: Hey Dad, I got the hamburgers.
MACEN: Scott! You're supposed to cut the cow up into tiny chunks first!
{Everyone else starts randomly throwing up and rolling around on the floor.}
MACEN: Is tha really necessary, guys?
NIKKI: Macen, what's wrong with you? Don't you even care aboot animals?
MACEN: Not really, no. Now go sit down before I call my thugs.
NIKKI: You don't have thugs.
MACEN: Oh yeah? Jerome!
{Jerome pops up out of nowhere.}
NIKKI: Uhh...
JEROME: Yo, girly. I have a car in my living room. And it has a back seat. Hows about we get some makin' out done while we wait for all your friends to keel over from the poison we planted in the dead cow beef?
{Scott collapses.}
NIKKI: That was... kind of extreme.
THOM: If it'll get everyone out of the way of the TV, then by all means.
{Cut over to Nick, Baby and Smithy in a ball pit.}
SMITHY: Wheeeeeeee!
NICK: Wait, what? Weren't we just- Ehh, whatever.
SMITHY: Umm... Nick... I think something's wrong with Baby.
NICK: Why?
SMITHY: He hasn't come back up yet. I think he's permanately submerged in fun li'l balls!
NICK: How aboot you go down thar after 'im?
SMITHY: I'll need some kind of plasma hyper-suit to protect my body from the atmospheric pressure down there.
NICK: Here ya go.
{Nick reaches his arm toward Smithy, as if handing him something.}
SMITHY: Thanks.
{Smithy dives underneath the balls.}
SMITHY: Cassidy!
NICK: No.
~FIN~
Suggested Collections
Because nobody ELSE will write one. >_>
...I really don't know what this is supposed to be aboot.
...I really don't know what this is supposed to be aboot.
© 2006 - 2024 Hagurumon
Comments2
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HOLY SHIT!
IT'S TEH GOOD WRITING!
IT'S TEH GOOD WRITING!